I don't know when it started, but I have long hated 4th of July. Yeah, its celebrating the birth of our nation, but I could care less. All the noise, the traumatizing of the animals in the neighborhood , the jangling of my nerves that makes my anxiety skyrocket... I can't believe I liked this as a child. I was a very different person then.

 

Overall, the day was good. More beautiful and wonderful than I could imagine. I am blessed to have my oldest son, his wife and my daughter all living with me at this time. We have had a but of a COVID scare so my youngest was not here for the 4th. We had a bbq; chicken, corn, burgers and I brought cake and ice cream for dessert. 

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We started the festivities around 18:00 after Raechal got home from work. The fireworks around the neighborhood started as well. I really don't know why people do that... its just a waste since its still daylight.

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Anyway, my dog Ziggy is terrified of fireworks and he immediately abandoned his ball and rocketed for the back door. I let him in, and other than an unsuccessful potty outing around 00:30, he did not come outside again until 06:00. 

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I spent a number or hours in the bedroom petting him and trying to calm his shaking body. Despite the incessant booming, he settled down and went to sleep. So did I. 

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Around 23:00 I emerged from the bedroom, got some cake and went outside to join my son and his wife on the patio to watch the show the neighbors put on every year. They had made a camp fire in my pathetic little outdoor fire pit. The burning wood was crackling and popping, sparks dancing in the night as they rose and burst. A lovely smell of campfire rose into the night sky... all was right with the world. 

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Since 'time out of mind' (as they say in The Hobbit), humankind  has used fireworks in celebration, going back to the inception thousands of years ago in ancient China. 

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For much longer, millions of years, people have been using fire; for warmth, for cooking and for protection. Fireworks combine both of these things. The biggest mystery is that 4th of July is about America, but its celebrated all over the world. Why is that? Why does Disney World have fireworks every night every night of week as the park is closing?

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I took another drag off my clove cigarette and the last 4th of July where I enjoyed myself. The house was down by the water off Hwy 14, just up from the train tracks. Some years it was only the 4 of us, sometimes more. I remember we were all drunk, trying to play Badmitten, and someone wanted to play Bocci ball instead. But someone had to put it together. That someone was me.... while everyone laughed and heckled. 

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Finally, I DID get the damned thing together and we played Bocci ball in the dark. The fireworks started... we all took more shots... we laid out in the yard like a bunch of slugs who got into the beer and watched the sky fill with lights and the boats on the Columbia glide serenely by... 

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All of the 4th of July celebrations I spent at this cute little house were the best times of my life. Good food... drunk as fuck... the love of my life by my side... another blessed time that all was right with the world. 

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My eyes filled with tears. I will never spend another 4th of July at that house. My love is gone... dead... all I have left are ashes in a bag. Haunting memories that pop in completely unbidden.. yeah, I have those too... 

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Through bleary, water-filled eyes, the booming clouds of fire all around me, moon shining boldly (despite the fact that we were supposed to have a lunar eclipse), it suddenly hit me why people love fireworks and by extension, 4th of July. 

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Fire and (again) by extension, fireworks, speak to the most primitive parts of us. The celebrating, all of us, all over the world unites us, sweeps through us, enlivens us, strings all of our souls together  from the cavemen cooking their boars over fire to the young children at Disney World with reflections of the most expensive light displays dancing in their eyes. Under that sky, in that moment, we are all one.... and it is beautiful.....

 

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